Recovery is a huge step of amelioration that is hard to get to. Recovery is a difficult stage of struggling to get to. Those who haven't struggled don't understand how easy it is to get so absorbed and fixated in an eating disorder, there's no simple fix to an ED. It puts friends and family in a bad spot, they want you to get better but don't understand that pushing it isn't actually getting better.
Involuntary recovery is a civil rights violation in some places. The ones pushing recovery onto the sufferers focus more on the physical side of ED and SH recovery instead of the mental and psychological side. There's typically an emotional reason that people develop eating disorders and self-harm, taking those things away from them when they aren't ready to give it up is just going to make It worse. It makes people feel unheard and more depressed. It makes them feel so out of control when control is commonly a reason why people carry on with self-harming and with their eating disorders. It creates a pattern that's extremely hard to break and is easier to overcome when in the right mindset to get better.
Personally, I have had friends and family try to tell me what to do with myself. Close friends give me exact steps to take when they don't even know what they are talking about after I say that I am not ready to get better. Recovery comes with relapse, and I know that I would relapse every few days and get absolutely nowhere, so why say that I am going to recover when I know I am not ready to make any progress? I want to be able to improve on my own initiative because I need to feel in control of my life, and if recovery is enforced upon me, I'll just turn back to it to regain that feeling. Eating disorders and self-harm, in a twisted way, are like determining that since it's my body, I can decide to do anything I want with it even if that means I choose to destroy it.
Recovery is a choice that I may wait to take
For there is a voice that fills the everlasting ache
And for now, I have lost all my sense of self
While everyone around me tells what they have not felt
They have never felt many things
The joy, the rush, and proud
But nor have they felt how it feels to be drowned
They don't know what it's like to be your own puppet with strings
Or when you can't look ahead and know what the future brings
If I decide I want my face in the dirt
Then I shall walk for miles feeling nothing but hurt
That is my choice, for I have decided
Then I will live my life fueled and ignited
Losing the separation between right and wrong
Being told that this cant be prolonged
I've never listened as I do not care
I don't need a thing, not even a prayer
If there's one thing I need, that would be space
I keep a long list of things I'll erase
The #1 thing is the skin on my bones
As I believe that would bring a sense of repose
Recovery is a choice that I may wait to take
For there is a voice that fills the everlasting ache
Now I have become what I was once scared of
All over something I wish that I didn't care of
Recovery takes time, and dealing with the problem takes longer. You can't immediately get better when you just realize that you need help. It is going to take a while and that is okay. Something people don't tend to realize is that it's okay to not be okay. You won't always be on cloud nine, feeling 100%. We have ups and downs and some downs just hit harder than others and that is more difficult to conquer. The self-destructive mindset is hard to break because it becomes such a big part of how you live your life and the way that you work and think. It's like an addiction, not everyone can admit they have a problem and some people take time to realize and recover from it. But with recovery comes relapse, we will have those moments where it's hard to fight those urges and we will relapse but that doesn't mean that you aren't deserving of recovery or that you are some sort of disgrace or burden. It means that you are learning to push through it and you are working on getting better. There is nothing wrong with needing help or admitting that you need help and having moments when it gets really difficult. Recovery is difficult, it's extremely challenging to face and it also takes a lot to decide to recover and get better.
-I'm proud of you
xoxo, Syd
2 comentarios